GO TELL MOM s4e5 – The “I’ll Do It Later Trap”
I wanted to talk about procrastination in this podcast, but I kept putting it off. My dad used to say I was a procrastinating champion.
When I was a kid, my mother was always nagging me to finish things – my homework, the dishes, organizing my closet. I just couldn’t seem to get it done in her timeframe. I’d like to say I eventually outgrew my procrastination, but even as an adult, I’d crave deadlines – and then creep up to them at the last gasp. I swear, that’s one of the reasons I went into radio: to make sure I had a finish line that I had to reach at a certain time.
I’d like to say I trained my kids to do better than their mom, but not really. In my daughter’s case, it’s usually that she wants to make sure that her tasks are done perfectly. HealthyChildren.org says perfectionist kids set unrealistically high standards for themselves, and then worry about failing. Hence, the reluctance to finish the job. Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg suggests focusing on the process rather than the outcome. Do you like having your clothes that are in the same color hanging together, or would you rather see all the pants in a group, or all the summer clothes in one section? The process can actually be fun.
Of course, there are times when you have a not-fun task, like a science project. My daughter would find the easiest project to do because it’s not her jam, but my son would get jazzed, come up with this really creative idea, start working on it…and stall out. In his case, he’d finally recognize the enormity of what he’d chosen to accomplish and feel overwhelmed. Like the time he decided to make a camel for class in second grade, to explain how they saved water. We’re talking a paper mache camel about the size of a Great Dane. The night before it was due, I was helping him soak and wrap strips of newspaper around the frame he’d constructed, and then use a hair dryer to make it dry enough to paint. Fortunately he had a wagon to prop it in so he could when it up the street to school.
Kids frequently procrastinate on projects when they feel overwhelmed or are not clear on the instructions. Anna Levy-Warren says in Organizational Tutors says it’s all about breaking assignments into manageable pieces. Set up a schedule for the project. Figure out what needs to be done – like my son designing his camel, building his frame, then tearing paper into strips and dipping them in modge podge, then wrapping the frame, then drying the wrapped creature, then painting it the color of a camel. And when it’s done? Take a picture of the masterpiece and let him know you’re proud that he accomplished the task.
So why do parents procrastinate? (Because you know we do!) Gee, what a mystery. I’d tell myself I’d bring the clothes from the laundry upstairs to put away before I got to an editing project. And somehow that turned into reorganizing a drawer, checking email, and Googling something I absolutely did not need…
Why do we do this to ourselves?
Chasity Baugh from chattanoogamoms.com says procrastination isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes it’s a gentle reminder that sometimes we need a little time to breathe, to think, to gather our thoughts. When we leave something on the to-do list for a little longer than we’d like, we’re giving ourselves space to think about whether it’s something that really needs to be done today. Sometimes, it can wait until tomorrow or, better yet, it’s not as urgent as we thought.
Unless of course, it’s getting your tax forms in.
Go Tell Mom blog
GO TELL MOM s4e4 – The New Family Vacation
Remember what it was like when you were a kid, traveling with the family for summer vacation? Or maybe winter vacation. My folks would always have both time and route planned out carefully – whether it was renting a cottage on a lake island in New Hampshire or driving to see the relatives in Oklahoma.
When my kids were young, their parents would do the same thing – except it usually involved Disney or something similar in some way, shape or form. Plane tickets or car ride, it was usually fraught with drama from my youngest, who objected to the length of travel, waiting in line for anything, and not getting into the car – or booth – or seat – first. My ex husband did most of the planning for these events, since his specialty was PR, and he usually knew who to call to make the best deals.
I was the one who handled the packing and organizing who took care of our furbabies while we were gone. “Fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants” was not the way we rolled. Actually, before the kids, we tried that once, and discovered we were not fated to be the impetuous traveling duo. EVERY hotel, motel and teepee in coastal Maine was booked during the week of the fourth of July. We finally ended up at my parents’ place in New Hampshire.
In this century, families are more likely to use a family vacation template to make the family holiday less stressful. Craft.do has a detailed plan that outlines specifics of your trip, ranging from departure times and accommodations to daily activities to packing lists. They break it down into sections, and even include bucket lists. The theory is that with every detail in one place, you can easily manage all aspects of your travels. I, on the other hand, would theorize that by the end of the trip, that template would be covered in crayon and hot sauce.
Dr. John Grohol says in Medium the idea that a family vacation is a chance to get away, put aside your worries, and focus on what’s important in life is a fairy tale. We think Clark Griswald might agree. Grohol calls it a test of everything that defines a family and couplehood. Think about it: how many of us agree with family members on what constitutes “fun?” And how much alone time do you get when you’re out with the posse? Let’s face it – we all need alone time! You may find your family gets psychologically and emotionally worn down as the vacation progresses.
Grohol says even kids need their own space and time, and if you’re packing activities into 16 hours a day, something’s gonna give. Usually it’s someone’s temper.
But that doesn’t mean skip the vacations. They’ve become family rituals, and Carla Crespo says in the Journal of Family Theory and Review that those rituals are building blocks for creating meaningful family connections. Family rituals are at the heart of the human experience of being part of a family. Not to mention they produce great stories to laugh about in your golden years.
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Welcome to our version of “Mum Sense!”
We chew on stuff you’d talk about with your mom. Or maybe not. Advice that moms would give...if they were research ninjas. Or maybe not. Crazy things that happen when moms and families get together...and how to deal with the drama. Or maybe not. Come share the adventure with us!
My rescue muse sitting on my lap in my home office, telling me yes, you need to send out that query to the agent that asked for it and then take me for a walk!
GO TELL MOM s4e3 – Work From Home Hacks (Without Losing Your Mind)
Remember when we thought working from home meant coffee in pajamas and never having to wear a pantsuit again? Yeah… and then it turned into back-to-back Zoom calls, mystery snack breaks, and realizing you haven’t gone outside in 36 hours. And that’s BEFORE you factor in the kids.
Staying on top of the workload when you’re a parent working from home is not an easy juggling act. It’s so easy to think, “I can knock this project out before I pick up the kids.” But then something interrupts the rhythm, like a delivery or a call from school or your up-til-now blissfully quiet furbabies decide it’s the perfect time to bark furiously at a leaf that dared to tumble in your yard. For an hour.
How do you get work-from-home to work for you? Or does it?
Research out of Stanford shows remote workers are often more productive — but they also work longer hours. Harvard Business Review has reported higher burnout when boundaries blur. So yes, we’re efficient… but are we okay? I liked the idea that “This is when my work part of the day starts, and this is when it ends.” It made it easy to close the door and not feel guilty about focusing on my family and the interests that make me feel like a person.
Dr. Cathleen Clerkin from Candid.com says you need to set boundaries when home is your workplace. Like creating a transition routine when you start your work shift, and when you end it. You do NOT work in your pajamas, because it makes you think more like laundry day, not work day…besides, then it’s harder to stay comfortable in those pajamas when you’re NOT working. Pull a Mr. Rogers…change your shoes and your jacket when you’re in work mode, and ditch the shoes for sneakers and a cardigan sweater when you’re back in “at home” mode. Have a shutdown ritual.
You also need a dedicated workspace – one that you don’t use as space to fold laundry or have the kids play with friends. The guest room my son usually uses when he visits has, unfortunately for him, become my dedicated space. The more work I brought home, the more I encroached on what was originally a charming little space dominated by a bed. He only whines a little, because he stays there maybe four days a year.
A computer, an editor, a microphone – all part of my workspace. Clerkin says use tech to your advantage in your home office. Block off time in your calendar for focused work, close other apps during this time, and let others know you’re not available. Use the “schedule send” option to write emails when it works best for you and send them when it works best for the recipient. Heck, use an alarm app to let yourself know when the day is done. It’s important to detach from your work – it helps you sleep, lowers your stress level and improves your mood. And let’s face it – it staves off burnout. Try exercising, socializing, working on a hobby with your kids. It gets you back in the world again.
Personally, I missed people when COVID hit. Coworkers. People who actually gave a damn if I was there…or, at least I hoped they did! Data from Gallup shows many remote workers struggle more with feeling connected to coworkers. I can believe it. Working from home isn’t going away. So maybe it’s less about mastering it and more about managing it in a way that protects your sanity.